Secret Desires: Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Zoya drew a deep breath for calming down her shaking soul. She closed her mouth with her palm. She could feel her heart bleeding over her apa’s misery. She couldn’t see the woman in such pain. She couldn’t lose her. She wanted to be with her; but as Nasir had stated, Shahzeb was going through hell and he wasn’t in his right state of mind; leaving  him alone could be dangerous because he never thought with his mind whenever he was sad, hurt or angry. He always listened to his heart and his heart lead him to act insanely on such situations.

Zoya wiped her tear stained cheeks. She looked at her husband who had his head in his hands. He looked like hell. But he deserved it all.

She stepped towards him. “Get up; you need to have some sleep.” She approached him and stood in front of him. Her voice was devoid of any sort of sympathetic emotions.

Shahzeb did not exhibit any reaction, nor did he change his position. Zoya drew a tired breath.

“Please don’t do this Shahzeb; I have no strength left in me to indulge you.” She pleaded with a low voice, keeping her demeanor cold from the outside.

He looked up at her, his eyes were red rimmed. His facial expressions held the hurt of that innocent kid who had lost his most favorite thing. She felt a sharp twinge in her heart.  She couldn’t see him like that, but she also couldn’t justify his barbaric attitude, couldn’t come to terms with it. Why did he have to ruin everything? Why did he allow the past to destroy the beauty of their relationship? Why did he cause his mother so much pain that she is fighting for her life? A fresh set of tears rolled down her pale cheeks.

“Come on, it’s almost dawn, you have to relax yourself.” She held his arm in hers and tried to get him up. Instead, he wrapped his hands around her slim waist and buried his head in her belly.

Zoya could feel the tremors pulsing through his solid muscles. She could feel the dampness of his silent tears on her belly through the flimsy fabric of her top. The slash of her overcoat had drawn apart. She bit her own trembling lower lip with agony.

She wanted to soothe his pain away. She wanted to encase his trembling robust body into her arms. She wanted to wrap her hands around his head, which was buried in her warmness, seeking for an escape from the harsh realities of his life. But she felt numb. And the reality hit her hard. Her husband, the love of her life, her childhood friend, her youth’s secret fantasy, had broken her heart to no amends. More tears streamed down her face. The position he was in was making her heart ache more acutely. His head was buried in her belly, the same belly that was nurturing his offspring; the same offspring that he had wanted to abort.

She didn’t understand why, but she couldn’t endure his obvious resentment towards their baby. She knew him very well; he wasn’t any good when it came to verbalize his emotions or to show his feelings. She never expected, neither did she ask him to act as a love sick puppy around her and utter sweet nothings in love. But she wanted him to at least show his happiness, or surprise, upon the conception of their child. But alas, all she had experienced was his denial; his resentment towards the tiny soul which had turned her world. She had already started loving the feeling of having his miniature growing within her. All she wanted was to care for the little child, and expected the same from her husband. But instead, all she got from him was annoyance and irritation for their child. And she could never forgive him for that, not now at least.

Zoya’s hands lay limp by her sides. Shahzeb could feel her cold restrain. He acutely missed her warmness. His head still pressed against her petite form, he drew a shuddering breath of surrender. He knew he had strained their relationship; he had ruined everything he held dear in his life. And he was clueless about everything that the future had destined for him. He pressed his lips against her flat stomach; he knew she could never discern his barely noticeable act. He looked up at her; her face was wet with uncontrollable tears. He was the cause of her pain. In fact he was the cause of all this disaster. If only he hadn’t been born… if only he could have killed himself…

Zoya glanced at his retrieving form; he was roughly wiping his face with his palms.

“Come on, you need to get some sleep; you look almost dead.” She cleared her clogged throat and once again tried to grip his upper arm.

“I feel dead,” he laughed humorlessly at himself. His tone was shaky and was devoid of any sort of expression. Zoya bit her lips again, to shut her mouth.

“I will leave now; I don’t want to disturb you by my unwanted presence,” he whispered grievously.

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9 thoughts on “Secret Desires: Chapter 31”

  1. I donno why shehzab seems like a villian here . … a person who lost his identity over night, a person who got to know that his whole life was a lie….how do you expect him to behave?…he wasn’t a saint like female lead who can handle everything! And the female lead seems to have Understanding for everyone other than her husband….. after knowing the truth she still thinks of him hurting her and the so called parents…..the story plot shows male lead like a selfish villian now but everyone in the book is selfish fools but male lead……ive been reading this story when it was just few chaps on wattpad, no matter how much weeks you’lltake for one chap id still wait coz the story was captivating and different….. i had expected a lot from the old man to be most vicious but now its seems ridiculous…..the old man is not powerful…..its the so called good parents that let him play with their leaves….. i maybe sound harsh but the plot got down from 10 -1 real quick for me…..i pity male lead and i don’t have any intrest in seeing them happy.
    The male lead is Arrogant, strong, possessive and somewhat vicious like we expect but other characters including female lead are like thpse typical star plus tv show characters who do foolish things in the name of sacrifices. Im sorry but total dissapointment.Good luck.
    Im done.

    1. You are right about shahzeb. But zoya’s reaction was very natural. As no mother can hear anything against her child let alone to abort hin/her. And this coming from her own husband. I know why he said that but still you can’t blame zoya for reacting the way she did.
      And about his parent (nawaz and saba) I guess saba agreed to do anything as long as shahzaib was with her even though as a brother. As she was so close to lose her baby she knew that feeling very well and back then all she wanted was to keep him close to her. She wasn’t thinking about future. And that was very much natural I gues. Considering how young she was at that time , without any support , husband.

      I am still loving the story. And look forward to Friday. I hope she update soon. She’s not regular.but no one is. I mean she has her own life.
      More power to you author ❤

      1. Didn’t say the Author dont have any life, but as an Author they have responsibility, so atleast can inform….and what your saying about zoya, nawaz and saba is true but reasons can change when the time changes….saba and nawaz were young but thats the past but now in presenr they are not powerless anymore to not deal with things, and zoya she was hurt at first ok but atleast can show some sympathy and Understanding towards her husband after knowing the truth.
        All i see is in the plot showing shehzab and emotional villian while the other 3 characters are good who do sacrifices, like happns in cheezy tv shows.
        Ive read enough books in my life to understand characters and plot.
        But your opinion is your opinion….and my opinion is mine. 🤷‍♀️

      2. Oh and one more thing….years ago this story was on wattpad with late updates then again without any info it was taken down for weeks and all we got is a link and here still we are supporting the Author not minding late updates becoz we like this book, we were patient so plz do not give me that ‘they also have a life thing’ if i dont Understand it than i wouldnt still be here…..its good that you are showing support to your Author but kindly post your own comment….no need to explain me…..my comment wasnt any hate comment…..it was just my review.

  2. y r u not regular with your own choosen updating schedule?? if u cant update, let the readers know…

  3. Well written..Writer has good grip over the plot,well described the complexes of elite class where the center of everything lies in wealth, power,and true love matter no more.loved the characters of Saba and Nawaz and their unconditional love.What makes Shahzeb’s character intriguing and fascinating are the imperfections in him a character that is very realistic, mixture of good and bad,soft corner for the loved one,but demanding nature and stubborn,strong headed and goes to any extent to take revenge.

    1. If i have to rate this for just male lead then ill rate full 5 stars!! He is only character that keep me stick with this book.

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